you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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