im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
