dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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