Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
