i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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