How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
