so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
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