the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
