Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
