I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
MIDGETS
????
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
