Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
