I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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