so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
