i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
