I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
