Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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