I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
