lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
