I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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