I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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