its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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