This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
