Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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