I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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