yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
