when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Those nachos came to me in a dream
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
