So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
