come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
