You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
