We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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