I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
