I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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