Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Alive.
So much puke
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
