You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
