So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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