Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
