Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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