turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
