The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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