I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
