It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
