I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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