He asked to "fluff my boner.."
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
