dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
