Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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