he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she peed on how many people?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
