My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
