She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
