Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We had sex on a dog bed..
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
