i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
