he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
