Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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