420 ftw
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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