ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
