Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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