Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
