Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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