he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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