best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
