My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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